Home #magicofvulnerability Vulnerability Post day 26…Busy Work

Vulnerability Post day 26…Busy Work

June 15, 2017 4 comments

Hola mis amigas!—and a few amigos, too!

So todays post has been inspired by something I said to Bronson last night.

He had just got home, we ate dinner, then it was off to the races for the both of us.

Clean the kitchen, finish homework, pack up school lunches for tomorrow, get kids bed ready for bed….put this fire out, put that fire out.

So as Bronson and I divided up and started conquering our night time rituals and chores with all the kids, we were shouting reminders at each other in passing…like:

Him: Did you email back that company?

Me: Nope, Did you finish that invoice?

Him: Not yet, Ill do it tonight…What about Remi’s doctor? Did you figure that out.

Me: Nu huh, I’ll do it tomorrow. Are you gonna fix lock on the garage door?

You get it. It was a lot of adding to one another to do lists when we’re both already chuck full, but this is life.

Then out of nowhere I stopped and said

“BRONSON! You know what parenthood is like? It’s like you working on design shit alllllll day long at the office, then at the end of the day it gets accidentally deleted….then the next morning you have to wake up and start over, but knowing all along  that your work will be deleted again later that night. That’s what parenthood feels like, right?”

HAHA. It’s funny cause he’s a designer and I’m an analogy type of girl so this connection made me laugh, but parenting totally feels like this sometimes.

I feel like I’m putting my max amount of effort into each day while making no headway at all. Like I’m swimming with all my strength but fighting against a current that is stronger than me. So there I am staying put….not making any progress while depleting all my energy.

So I sometimes question why I’m even doing what I’m doing. Like does it even matter? Should I even clean up right now, when I sure as hell know its going to be a mess again 45 minutes later? But then I think of that current and if I stop swimming it will sweep me away. My tomorrow will be that much harder if I don’t give it my all today.

So I do the damn word search, and crossword puzzles. We color the color by numbers worksheet yet again, and I vacuum for the 7th time that day.

**Total tangent, but speaking of Homework—WHYYYY?! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Do school systems fill our children’s precious hours at home with mom and dad with busy work? Zuri and Remi both get sent home with packets of homework each night that is complete and utter busy work. It’s not helping or teaching them anything at all.

For example—Zuri is feeling not so confident about her timed times table tests, so any chance we get we’re really working with her on them. But after an hour of having to complete a color coded crossword puzzle, plus another 30 minutes of reading, then another worksheet of graphs and line chart work—guess what? She is depleted and on the verge of tears… So what really needs to be worked on–her times tables tests–gets looked over.

And life just feels like this sometimes…The important stuff gets looked over a lot of time, just to complete busy work.

It’s annoying, and I don’t have any solutions for it. It needs to be done, so we do it…allllll of it, allllll the time.

But laying in bed this morning I thought of a saying that people say to other people who are struggling or that are just in it–you know, having a hard time.

People say, “Stay Busy!”

–And I realized I hate that saying. I want to tell you today to not stay busy. If anything, I want to tell you to  become still, and quiet, and take time off. Busy work just puts off the real work, prolonging what ever suck fest you’re in. Don’t busy yourself out of your emotions, or healing, or pain….Sit in that hot-uncomfortable mess—whatever it may be—-and feel it. Take it in. Only once you’ve truly taken it in, and processed it, can you actually learn and grow from it- If you just try to STAY BUSY you miss out on the HEALING! THE GROWTH!

So, The messy house can wait, the to do list can wait, the stupid color by numbers can wait. Kick the busy work to the curb and do the real work. 

This sounds like I’m giving advice to you, but really, it’s for me. I’m giving this advice to myself.  I need it!

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4 comments

Talisha June 15, 2017 at 6:11 pm

Amen to that story! The busy work kids get sent home with is painful! My first grader got sent home with stupid homework packets just like the ones you described. And on the last week of school I said F it! We are not doing this anymore. So she didn’t do her last homework packet haha and apparently I am really mature. But seriously WHY!!! Why do they send home meaningless busy work??

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admin June 18, 2017 at 7:37 am

I have noooo idea.. i think most of the time they think something is better than nothing….but those nothing hours are the ones that matter–thats when the real stuff happens!

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Molly June 16, 2017 at 5:31 pm

Have you talked to their teachers and asked if they can focus homework time on a certain type of work or skillset, and skip the others? I used to teach 3rd grade and was really open to parents customizing based on what worked well. I felt that reading time was important for everyone, but the other 15-20 min should be spent doing what they would really benefit from.

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admin June 18, 2017 at 7:37 am

no but i will now! thanks for the info!

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